An unexpected attack can knock any of us down. But for some, there isn’t much confidence or happiness even before the attack. And then, being tricked, used, beaten up, stolen from, and humiliated by a social predator results in utter hopelessness.
Like that old CCR song in which “things got bad, and then things got worse,” I’ve also seen a bit of misery. Miraculously though, after dodging reality for my entire adulthood, I’ve begun a positive emotional reset, myself. Here are a few tips that I’ve picked up along the way that I hope you can use to overcome despair—a lot smarter and safer and sooner than I did:
Don’t beat yourself up. It’s common to doubt yourself or to even hate yourself for getting tricked by a social predator. But listen up, please; it’s not your fault. If you can’t stop stressing over your victimization, then at least convert your suffering into a wariness against it happening again. And if your newfound paranoia and mistrust are just too much to take, and you can’t afford or choose not to see a professional therapist, an affordable and safe alternative might be to study up on predators. Steven J. Wolhandler’s Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators: Neutralize the Users, Abusers, and Manipulators Hidden Among Us can be previewed on Amazon for free. Mr. Wolhandler is a licensed professional counselor whose book can help you to identify, resist, and recover from predators.
Get past revenge. Writer, Anne Lamott, summed up the irony of revenge when she said, “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.” We may be unable to forgive quickly, and sometimes never, but pursuing the destruction of your tormentor is a no-win. The sooner you can work through corrosive emotions, the sooner something better can take their place. I’m not telling you to lay down and take it, but once you’re physically safe, see to your peace of mind and let fate deal with your oppressor.
Find someone to help you deal with your suffering instead of relying on drugs and alcohol. For the losers’ championship in drug and alcohol abuse, see my book on Amazon, Memoir of a Repentant Psychopath. Much better than drugs and alcohol would be the help of a friend, relative, online support group, or crisis helpline. Hire a professional counselor if you can, or see a clergyperson, but find somebody to tell your story to! Searching for someone to hear you out, just that effort alone will reaffirm your will to live. But keep looking until you find the right listener; you may try many people before finding someone who can share your suffering.
These suggestions won’t appear so obvious during the fog of war, so I’ll repeat them. If a social predator upends your life, don’t blame yourself, don’t get lost in revenge or drugs or alcohol, but do seek help till you find it. And then, if you fall on your face while trying, don’t blame yourself, don’t get lost in revenge or drugs or alcohol, but do seek help till you find it; again.
Even if you feel utterly alone right now, somebody, somewhere, will benefit from your perseverance against the predator’s ill intent. So if you can’t hang on for yourself and there’s nobody else, do it for a future somebody. An ally is likely to come along if you keep looking for one; there are so many more people with conscience than without.
During my own dark night of the soul, I found an ally from the past. Actually, millions of people have taken consolation from Viktor Frankl’s surviving Hitler’s death camps. In Man’s Search for Meaning, Mr. Frankl recounted: “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a person but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Don’t let a social predator steal the last of your freedoms, that of choosing your attitude in any given set of circumstances, of choosing your own way. Instead, empower all of us by submitting your description of a predator being denied that ultimate win. Your survival and the will to move forward constitute a building block for humankind’s search for meaning.
Please note that while I’m good with your story however you send it, we’ll need to protect everyone’s anonymity if you want it published. And so, please email away. I can be reached at RobertRedAct@protonmail.com, or through the comments section below.
Until next week, hold the line, and don’t allow the barbarians to break your will to live!
Robert Red Act