Whether a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a professional encounter, being targeted by a social predator can taint your existence. One of the most common emotions experienced by survivors is resentment.
Today, I will attempt to walk you through that resentment. We will discuss its depth, impact, and strategies to overcome it.
Resentment will run your life if you don’t get a handle on it.
Emotional and physical abuse inflict deep wounds on the survivors. The manipulative tactics and assaults of social predators can leave individuals feeling so profoundly wronged, betrayed, and violated that many never recover.
Emotional and Mental Health Effects
Research suggests that chronic anger and resentment contribute to increased stress levels and cognitive decline. Moreover, harboring resentment can strain relationships and push others away, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Physical Health Consequences
Prolonged resentment has been linked to elevated blood pressure, cardiovascular problems, and weakened immune function. Recognizing the mind-body connection and addressing resentment for overall well-being is crucial.
The Importance of Emotional Release
Releasing resentment is not about suppressing or denying emotions. It is essential to allow yourself to feel and acknowledge the anger, sadness, and frustration associated with pathological abuse—without striking out at yourself or those around you. The goal is to find healthy ways to process and release all that hurt.
Strategies for Overcoming Resentment
Understanding the Source
Overcoming resentment can begin by recognizing the underlying causes and triggers. Reflect on the specific events, actions, or behaviors that led to your resentment. Understanding the mechanics that triggered your emotional responses will help you begin healing and defend against future occurrences. In addition to understanding yourself, you will also wish to understand the seemingly incomprehensible social predator. My Memoir of a Repentant Psychopath, available on Amazon, provides a personalized introduction to the world of the conscienceless. Other excellent information sources are Without Conscience by Robert Hare, The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, and The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Resentment often arises when expectations are unmet. It is vital to examine and adjust your expectations of others and yourself. Recognize that 99.9% of social predators are unchangeable, and holding onto unrealistic expectations only perpetuates resentment. Practice acceptance and focus on what is within your control.
Practicing Gratitude
Gratitude can be a powerful tool in overcoming resentment. Shift your focus from negative experiences to the positive aspects of your life. Take time to acknowledge the blessings and opportunities that exist outside of the abusive situation. Cultivating gratitude can help reframe your mindset and promote healing.
Embracing Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a transformative act that liberates survivors from the burden of resentment. Unfortunately, though, forgiveness is nearly impossible in many situations, and even if achieved, it may take years. All I can tell you is to be patient and keep trying; I have, and it’s finally beginning to work. Please note that forgiveness does not mean condoning or forgetting the abuse. Instead, it is a personal choice to let go of the anger and resentment, freeing yourself from the emotional weight of the past. When you fully grasp that your resentment is killing any chance you have for happiness, it will be easier to let go of.
But still…Draw the Line On How Much Crap You Will Take
Setting and communicating clear boundaries is essential in recovering from psychopathic abuse. Identify your needs and assertively communicate them to others. By establishing healthy boundaries, you protect yourself from further harm and empower yourself to create a safe and supportive environment. If you are leaving an abusive relationship, PLEASE SEE my post: Stay Safe When Leaving an abusive relationship; it could save your life. In particular, see these resources: thehotline.org, create your personal safety plan, creating a safety plan, and find a shelter program near you.
Seeking Professional Help
Overcoming resentment and healing from predatory abuse can be a complex process. Working with a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and abuse can help you navigate emotional challenges, develop coping strategies, and foster resilience. Here’s a link to Finding a Therapist Who Can Help You Heal. It’s a great article from HelpGuide.org, covering the following topics:
-How therapy and counseling can help
-Finding the right therapist for you
-Types of therapy and therapists
-What to expect in therapy or counseling
-Making the most of therapy and counseling
-Determining if therapy is working
-When to stop therapy or counseling
-Paying for therapy and counseling
Here are two links from PsychologyToday.com to help you find a therapist in the United States or in Canada, Mexico, Europe, South America, or the Asian Pacific.
Reclaiming Power and Building a Brighter Future
Self-Care and Self-Compassion
Prioritize self-care as you embark on your healing journey. Engage in activities that bring you joy. Cultivate self-compassion, recognizing that healing takes time and effort. Be patient and gentle with yourself throughout the process. This Mayo Clinic Mental Fitness Routine is helpful—it’s short and neat but hard to beat for breaking out of the doldrums.
Building a Support System
Surround yourself with friends, family, or fellow survivors who understand and validate your experiences. Joining support groups or online communities of individuals with similar experiences can help restore your confidence in life; you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and your situation can be overcome. The following communities can offer a safe space to express your emotions without judgment:
https://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php
https://fortrefuge.com/forums/index.php
https://aftermath-surviving-psychopathy.org/forum/
https://facebook.com/groups/domesticshelterscommunity/
https://bpdfamily.com/content/membership
(This last site is for family, friends, and associates of those exhibiting traits of borderline personality disorder but can include other personality disorders. It states upfront that it’s ‘not a victims community or emotional-free-for-all.’ And yet, I think the BPDFamily.com message boards can be approached within the membership guidelines and still help victims of social predators. Must be 18 or older.)
Education
Take an active role in educating yourself about predatory types. Understanding the dynamics of abuse can help you reclaim your power and prevent future victimization. Again, here are three books that you may find helpful: Without Conscience by Robert Hare, The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, and The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker.
Embracing Growth and Resilience
Unrelenting abuse can push you over the edge. Instead, I suggest you hang onto life and begin your comeback. Focus on building your self-esteem, developing healthy coping mechanisms, and engaging in activities that promote personal development.
Conclusion
Overcoming resentment of abuse may feel like a trip through hell, but you can do it and emerge better than before. By understanding the causes and impact of resentment, implementing effective strategies, and seeking support, you can reclaim your power and heal from the wounds of the past. If you want to share your story with others or need encouragement, contact me at RobertRedAct@protonmail.com or leave a message in the comments section below.
Until next week, hold the line, and be brave; you are not alone!
Robert Red Act